Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
