two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
