My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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