sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
