i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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