the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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