4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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