I wish my penis had an off switch
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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