were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We need to get me chipped asap
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
