i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
