i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
