sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
