I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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