what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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