Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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