final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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