i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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