i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
