i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
