Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
