no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
