Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
