She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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