FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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