So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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