i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
