his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
