i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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