There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
