apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
