New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
