i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
