drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
