Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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