I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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