I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Too much gin, very little bucket
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
