Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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