Umm I'm too high to move.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
