It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
