It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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