i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
