What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
