i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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