a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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