i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
