This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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