I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
