my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
