he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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