why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
