Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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