So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
