So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I will be naked everywhere
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
