I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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