he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
