i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
