I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
